Friday, April 8, 2011

The midnight hour.

This is a midnight hour.

When you come to a realization- a wrong realization, incredibly incorrect- that you are alone.
What I mean is is that tonight my roommate is gone, and everyone else is busy. And i'm here dealing with these insecurities which for some reason decided to rear their big ugly heads today.

And i'm looking at the bar which is on the left side on my browser. It shows my favorite people- I get all their updates and stuff. And its my top five guys- my heroes.

And i'm sitting here, and I can't understand what the point of it is. Why do I care about these guys? Why do I want to depend on them?
Because I can't, at least not now.

Not at the midnight hour.

And that sucks.

I want to ask for their attention, to say, "Hey, I need you RIGHT NOW."
But I don't want to be needy.
And I don't want to face the chance that they won't be there.


Why the heck am I putting trust in these guys hands? I know that some of them have earned it- but have they all? And will they earn it in the future? What if they let me down?

I can't handle it.

I feel like they've let me down tonight, even though i know it's my fault.

Hence the midnight hour.

Who really cares?
Who really wants to help, to guide me?
Maybe I shouldn't ask these questions......
I'm frustrated.
I don't know what relationships are worth the effort.
I'm confused.

But this is just the midnight hour.

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