Counseling

So.... I asked Roy to meet with me regularly....

He gave me a contract I had to sign....

Which is cool, because now he is one of my "mentors"...

But there was a stipulation in that contract...

So...

I have to start going to professional counseling.

And to be honest? I'm completely terrified.

I'm scared that people will look down on me and think that i'm unstable or something for having to do this. I'm afraid that my youth kids will think less of me because of it. I'm afraid to admit that I might actually get something out of this.

Let me be clear, I would never choose to go to counseling on my own. In fact, I have always rejected the idea. I believe that personal healing comes in the context of close relationships- and I don't think that counseling works in that venue. But I really, really, really respect Roy, and if this is what I have to do for him to be the voice in my life that I need him to be, i'll do it. I struggled with this for days, trying to decide if counseling was worth Roy- and as much as this sucks, and it's difficult for me (because I still hate the idea of counseling) I'm going to do it.

So that's that. I hate admitting that i'm weak. But the fact is, in some areas of my life I am. Hopefully this dumb counseling thing will help me pinpoint those areas and improve them. Roy said I could just not tell anyone- but that's not how I role. Honesty is the best policy, transparency is the best policy.

If you have any questions about this, just ask me. I'm trying to have a good attitude about it, I really am.

It can't be that bad, right?