I hate that I keep having this silly issue.
You see, once upon a time I was really insecure about my relationship with Jeff. It was kind of dumb, and i've gotten over it.
I mean, it was really dumb.
The bad thing is now i'm super insecure about my relationship with Roy. I didn't even know that could happen! I used to be super confident about our relationship- it was good, it was gravy, and I didn't expect anything. But now he's like my mentor- and i'm terrified that he's gonna let me down.
It's like, by letting him into my life- by actually letting him have a say in my life, I gave him a lot of trust.
What if he lets me down?
And now I find myself afraid to really talk to him, to really just be me around him, because I am afraid that i'm going to do or say something that will mess this mentorship up.
And I really, really value our relationship. I don't want to mess this up, I can't mess this up.
Gosh, and lately we've just been meeting on mondays, and thats the only time we hang out. I am afraid that if we only meet to talk about the heavy stuff, the real stuff- the just being friends that makes up a relationship- won't happen.
And I really want it to happen. That's what made me want Roy to be my mentor in the first place- the fact that I felt like we were on a close level, like he was one step above me, and that we could be friends more than anything.
But lately that isn't the case. Of course I hope that with time, things will balance out. That's my prayer.
But tonight was great- I should tell you about it sometime