What i've learned: Don't be Job's friends

Helllllerrrrr.

I love my students. I love that God lets me teach them about Him, guide them, have fun with them, help them through tough times....

I hate when I can't help them.

but it happens. Sometimes what they are going through is deep. Deep and dark, and painful.

And sometimes it's so deep that only God can guide them through it. And sometimes it takes a REALLY STINKIN LONG TIME.

I know, i've gone through that. Pretty sure we all have. Why is it, then, that we forget how it feels? Why do we always feel like we know better than the person who is struggling, like we have the answer? Don't we remember how we felt, like no one could understand, like we had to deal with the pain ourselves?

Why do we always assume it's the hurting person who is being stubborn, and not us?

Here are some things i've learned when dealing with a hurting person.

1. Never say they are hurting because they don't love God enough.

I had this happen to me before- well, i've done this before too. Kinda.

I told someone that the way they were acting was spitting in God's face. And while this may have been true, it wasn't right to tell that to them when they were hurting. God knows what He's doing in these valleys, and I believe that those who are hurting are probably clinging to God more than most of us. Don't tell them they don't have enough faith.

2. Don't just give advice for the sake of giving advice.

Don't you hate when you want to help someone, to make them instantly better, but you don't know what to say? So you start spouting a bunch of B.S. about how "God will use this for the better", and, "you will look back on this problem and see how God was there the WHOLE TIME."

Now, maybe B.S. wasn't the right word, because those previous statements were true. But when someone's whole life is falling apart, they don't want simple answers like that. They want their anger and pain to be aknowledged, not just brushed aside. Which leads me to my third point...

3. Shut up and hold them.

This sounds weird but, heres the thing- people who are grieving HATE when you act like you know more than them. I mean honestly, how can anyone possibly understand another's pain fully? The Bible says "Each heart knows its own bitterness." Proverbs 14:10

So instead of trying to talk through something you can't possibly understand, why not just... hug them? Be there for them? After all, that's what everyone really wants when they're hurting- someone who will just stay with them no matter how hard it gets.

Not words.

Just actions.

The title of this post was don't be Job's friends. These guys kept blaming all of Job's problems on the fact that he wasn't righteous enough. They were trying to be helpful but, well, they ended up looking like idiots.

Don't be those guys. Be compassionate and sensitive.

And not an idiot.

Slater.