Right now I am sitting at my mom's house, all alone. Well, actually, everyone is sleeping, but you get the point. To tell you the truth, alone is the last thing I want to be right now. It's been a long, weird weekend. The kind where nothing goes how you thought it would. The exhausting kind. I kinda feel like junk right now.
I will admit that a lot of this boils down to missed expectations- I've found that when people are frustrated or angry, that's usually why- I can't really explain what these expectations are, but I know they are there. Another part of it is that I wish I were close to my dad. I really need to talk to a guy right now, or a hug, or something. I texted some people to see if they could talk right now, but it being so late.... no one answered lol. So it's just me and my blog.
Do you ever get that feeling like you have a watery knot in your stomache, like your crying on the inside? Like you're not sure why, but you just wanna get it out? Yeah, TOTALLY have it right now. It started yesterday, after work, when I went to my house to find out a bunch of family stuff was going on. It kept going today, because I just wanted to spend time with some uplifting people, but I had meetings all day. So, it's steadily developed into this incredible illusion of loneliness that i'm feeling now. I wish I could talk to someone.
I know God is there, but this is me being real, and I kinda wish there was a person to talk to. I know, that's terrible.
My hope is that I will wake up tomorrow feeling better, enjoy my day off (YEAH MLK) and be happy. My fear is is that this is the beginning of another tough semester. I'm determined to not let that be the case. I want to be effective in God's kingdom. Being mopey doesn't do that. But hey, if you're awake, call me up. We can chat hahaha
Also, I finally got the guts to tell the other leaders about me being fired from interning. It was really tough, but I know it was the right thing to do. No more hiding myself :)
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