What I don't know: The definition of home

Remember when you were a little kid?  Remember what made you worry?  For me, it was my happy meal toys. They had to be perfect.  No scratches, no dents, and I ALWAYS had to have them with me.  Happy Meal toys.  That's as simple as my worries were.  I didn't worry if I would have enough money to get through the next two weeks, or if I would be able to be supportive enough for my guys at youth group, or if I would pass all my classes, or if there would be anyone willing to walk through my problems with me.  I didn't worry about having someone to pick me up when I fell.

I miss that.  That feeling of security, that somehow knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I was safe.
I don't know how I lost that feeling, but it's gone.  No where really feel's like "home" now.

And what IS "home" anyway?  Is it a physical place?  Or is it a person, or group of people?  Is home just a feeling?
Regardless of what it  ACTUALLY is, we all have that definition of "home" that we keep in our hearts.  And i'm pretty sure for most of us, it is not a present truth.  I'm pretty sure that we all lose it eventually, that by the time we are teenagers are perfect view of home is shattered.  I mean, what do you do when you are counseling your parents rather than them counseling you?
What do you do when you want to talk to someone you used to trust, but know they won't understand?
What do you do when a parent is falling apart, and you have to be strong for THEM, even though it hurts you just as bad?
 At this point in my life, i'm not sure you can ever regain that feeling of "home" once you've lost it.  Maybe down the road, I'll find a girl, get married, have kids, and start my own family- but even then, I will be the one who has to provide the safety for my kids.  I will never feel that safety myself.

That sucks.

And I think that that mourning of our "home", and that searching for the safety we remember is what drives a lot of our actions.  We do things that make us feel safe, that make us feel secure.  We hang out with people that make us feel loved, and that we believe won't hurt us or let us fall through the cracks.  We get mad at people when they do something that ruins our illusion of the "home" in our hearts.  Every day we wake up and search out that feeling of warmth, we strive for it, hunger for it- I know I do.
And here's what I might know- what I might know, but not for sure.  And if i'm right about this, I don't want to be-  I think that this searching for "home" can never be completed on earth.  I think that we will die looking for a safe place.  Any feeling of "home" we feel, until our dying day, will just be an illusion.

Thank God we have Jesus, who came to earth to bring us back to God, and who came to tell us he was preparing a home for us in Heaven.  Thank God that.... God loves us, and when we finally reunite with Him, we will at last be home.  How great will it be when that ideal home that we all hold in our hearts comes to life, but ends up being a thousand times better than what we thought?

That's my hope, that's how I keep going.  Not in this life, but in some other life,  I will finally, REALLY, be home.  I just have to hold on til then. ;)