What i've learned: Importance of relationship in conflict

Today, I went to coffee with one of my students. We went to this place called Quixotic Coffee. Fancy coffee shops scare me like no other, because their menues are so unhelpful. It's like you need to understand secret coffee code to know how to order. Anyway, today I got a plain old mocha- it was super delicious, but still, ordering was the most stressful part of my day, and I had a stinkin dentist appointment! (Another thing that scares me- dentists never have good news)

This post isn't about coffee however. I have no authority in that subject haha. My friend Roy does. He has a blog about it. I don't know how you can possibly care enough about coffee and tea to blog about it, but he does. Impressive.

This post is about what it takes to have authority in someone's life. Ya see, today the student and I talked about some big decisions that they were preparing to make. It seemed like the choices they were making were innocent enough, but I know this student. He tries to make big decisions all the time- he tries to run all the time. So I was super honest with him. I told him that the decision he wanted to make was not a good one at all, that he was just trying to run again, and that it wasn't going to help. He thanked me for my honesty.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, i'm just saying that because I knew this student and had a real relationship with him, I was able to look at what he was doing and point out foot holds that were influencing his decisions.

The same thing happened to Jeff and I. If we didn't have some sort of relationship, I would not have respected anything he tried to point out to me in my life. When he was tough with me, I probably would have just left Oakhills, I would have been so pissed. But because I knew his heart, I took what he said to me seriously.

So basically, what i'm saying is is that before you judge someone, or point out flaws in a person, make sure you know them and are respected by them. Make sure what you are saying will be taken with love. Otherwise you are just being a jerk.

That's what i've learned.