This is a guest post. Crazy right? My good friend Jon Sanchez decided to weigh in on what's been going on in his life. And it's an awesome post! Very honest, and very true. I love this guy, and i'm super proud of him, for what it's worth. Listen to his wisdom!
(Also, of you want to guest post, just let me know!)
I’m not a great conversationalist. Especially when I feel like I have to perform, have an answer, or achieve some standard—when I’m feeling evaluated. In those situations I start to get a bit nervous, and the nerves make me stammer a bit or stumble over my words as I nervously try to loose them from my lips. I mean, I’ve always been that way, so it doesn’t really bother me, but sometimes it can certainly make me come across more nervous than I really am, or even lacking confidence in myself or what I am saying. I think in most situations I’m about as anxious as any other fella’, it’s just far more detectable.
Why am I telling you this? Because people have been evaluating me lately, and as I begin feeling evaluated and assessed my anxiety begins to show (even if I requested the evaluation); I am perceived as nervous, unconfident, and lacking; then I feel even more inadequate, especially when I misconstrue “constructive criticism” as just plain ‘ol criticism; that leads to more nerves, more outside scrutiny, more assessment, more misperception, and finally more nerves.
Now, the really scary thing is that we’re talking about perceptions here. I mean, rarely are perceptions absolutely true, but they literally define you! That’s what really bugged me, the incongruence of it all. Perceive as incapable if I’m truly incapable and I’m okay with it, but don’t perceive me as incapable simply because of my lack of experience, confidence, or ability! See, ability and capability are two different things; capability accounts for potential, ability does not. And then what about confidence; what is confidence anyways? After all, the word “con”—to swindle—is literally rooted in the word “confidence.”
So what do these perceptions indicate about me, and about the very things for which I have these feelings of inadequacy? I mean, if I feel inadequate based on a legitimate omission of some required ability to accomplish this stuff, can I do it? And, isn’t self-confidence necessary for me to lead others; who’s going to follow a fool that mumbles and really doesn’t even have the ability to do…whatever?
No one.
At least that’s what I had thought I was hearing in the comments, good-intentioned as they were, I had received from different people about my timidity, about my lack of confidence, about my nervousness and anxiety, and ultimately about my leadership. To be honest I was sick of hearing it, really sick!
And of course, there was one more person, or should I say three, that still had to weigh in on the topic, but it was done in a different manner—one that was subtle and gentle, and probably would have gone completely unnoticed if I hadn’t been made so vulnerable thanks to all the recent and sometimes unwelcome commentary.
Anyway, it went something like this:
"...'His letters are brawny and potent, but in person he’s a weakling and mumbles when he talks.'" a Corinthian, speaking of the Apostle Paul (2 Cor 10:9-11 MSG).
"…It’s true that I don’t have their voice, haven’t mastered the smooth eloquence that impresses you so much. But when I do open my mouth, I at least know what I’m talking about." Paul, speaking about himself (2 Cor 11:4-6 MSG).
"If I had a mind to brag a little, I could probably do it without looking ridiculous, and I'd still be speaking plain truth all the way. But I'll spare you. I don't want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you'd encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk.
… I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
'My grace is enough; it's all you need.'
'My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'"
Paul, again, speaking about himself (2 Cor 12:6-10 MSG).
You can probably see why I read the passages above and was instantly struck. I completely identified with Paul. I mean, it almost made me smile as I read it because I had never imagined him…well, being a lot like me. He had always seemed larger-than-life, but then there it was, right in the bible. Paul was called to preach to thousands about the saving grace of God through Jesus. Let me reiterate, preach…and the man was obviously a bad speaker! Some might say that he was ill-equipped, lacking, and inadequate, and I’d bet there were plenty of times where he had zero confidence in himself. But it didn’t matter because he still had plenty of confidence; just none of it was in himself.
Here's what I’m getting at: don’t get caught up in this ability, self-confidence business. If God leads you to do something, do it! Don’t worry about your ability, God obviously wasn't. And self-confidence is nonsense. What do you have in yourself to be confident in; what have you achieved that was done solely by the work of your own hands? Nothing of eternal value, I can assure you of that. So, be confident in God. Always remember, God, and only God, has the ability…but you are blessed with capability; through Him you have infinite potential! .
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