What i'm learning: Be upfront, communicate

Oh the Superbowl.... how I dislike you lol. I think because the whole idea behind it is so great- hang out with your friends, get really excited, eat great food- but then there's the whole football thing. And that's lame. Ha, I was going to hang out with people today, but they had to either go to a super bowl party, or they were having people over to watch the super bowl.... and I was much too tired to do ANY of that. Sundays WEAR ME OUT! This weekend I helped my mom move, it was pretty intense. So i'm just super sleepy now. And when i'm sleepy I have really random thoughts. Sometimes dumb ones. Like, irrational worries. And that's why I don't like to be around people when i'm this tired. Because I act stupid.

Anyway, let's talk about communication. I am a terrible communicator. I have this thing where I get so afraid that people will shut me down, that I never really directly ask a question to people. At least people who I respect a lot. I kinda of bait and hook them. Like, "Man, I wish I had something to do this afternoon..... nothing to do...." and then they'll be like, "Oh, you can come over!" And in my mind i'll be like Yes, it worked!

Yeah, I know that's incredibly annoying and a little messed up. But i'm working on it! I really am. I'm trying to be a lot more direct, and just ask people what I want to. The trick is learning to be ok with rejection, which is a really scary thing.

I kinda of do the bait and hook with what people think of me, too. i'm always looking for approval, for someone to tell me I did a good job. It's kind of ridiculous. Here's the thing- if you are reading this, you're probably one of the people i'm trying to impress, and I probably worry about impressing you a lot. So, honestly, it would really be nice if you just told me up front what you though of me, what I was doing well, and what I need to work on. I don't think I can just ask people to do that...... maybe I can. But I feel like it might be weird.

Welp, that is that. I promise these entries will be better, i'm just super tired right now. Like, dead tired. But there's always tomorrow.

Slater.