Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What i've learned: Back to the beginning





I love this weather more than anything right now. I love how the snow is melting, and you can actually go outside without losing a finger or two to frostbite. It's incredibly refreshing. I especially love the nights. Walking around outside at night this time of the year is almost spiritual for me. It's something about the briskness and freshness of the air, the newness of the smells, the cold little bite of air. Its like waking up again, from the cold sleep of winter. Its like God is giving us a symbol of our redemption.
I was saved at this time of year, which probably is the real reason I love it. It was at my first camp- Lake Geneva Snow Camp. I was pretty young, probably like eleven, and I had never been to a place like this. I had never been so surrounded by Christians, or even by adults who were trying to be my friend hahaha. That weekend at camp was incredible, and i'll always remember it. Partly because a kid in my room named Jesse peed in the trash can, and Jeff had to come and clean it up, and it was super ridiculous. But mostly because I experienced God for the first time.
It was at the night service. I don't even remember who the speaker was or even what he was talking about, but I do remember the worship. They played the song at the top of this post- Majesty by Delirious. This song floored me. The lyrics flooded into me, and I remember being so taken aback by this God who loves me, who is so majestic and powerful and yet loves me. The lyrics "Here I am knowing i'm a sinful man, covered by the blood of the lamb" moved me so deeply. To think that it was because of me that Jesus died, that I am covered with his blood, it blew my mind. Something inside me started moving, something I hadn't felt before.

And that's when I let Jesus in.

And it's that simple. This awareness, this knowledge that there was something more sold me into this idea of God so incredibly fast. He had plans for me, He had a purpose for me. And that night, as I walked out of the worship center into the cool, brisk, new night air, everything felt so simple, so easy. I knew that God had me, and would always have me. I knew it with everything in me.
And then I went home, and life got tough. It became a struggle to follow God, a struggle to listen to His voice. Nothing was easy, and I doubted God and His plans for my life many times. heck, it's still not always easy. Following God in the real world is ridiculously tough sometimes. When the money isn't coming, when the work is too much, when the people you rely on leave you- doubt creeps in, doubt so thick you can't breathe.
But then there are nights like tonight, where I can walk outside in that brisk coolness and sing Majesty, where I can wonder at the simplicity of it all. Where I can breathe in God's newness and live. Nights where I am brought back to the very beginning, when this giant, huge, infinite God consumed an eleven year old boy's heart with His hope and peace. And it's like that feeling never left.

Because God still is in control, and always will be.

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